Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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