I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
