I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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