i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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