You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
