HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
