I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
