You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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