I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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