I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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