She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
