what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
