I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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