; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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