I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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