I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
bring money and cleavage
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
