If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
