They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
