Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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