so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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