Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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