haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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