I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
