Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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