If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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