so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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