"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
