you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize