I think i peed on brittanys purse
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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