Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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