I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
