Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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