Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize