i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
