She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize