I cockslap morals
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
