does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Text me some of your sweat
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
