I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
