you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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