somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She said her name was "party"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
