well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
