Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
