That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
