there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
