WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
