my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
