There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
