Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
