drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
