He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
