I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize