Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
