The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
