You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
