You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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