I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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