i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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