I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
if only i could text you this smell
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
