I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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