after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
