She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
