please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
