yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
