She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
