Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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