I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We just shotgunned beers for America
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
