I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
