You smell like a Billy Joel song
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I had to cum in my sink.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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