nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
