Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
