Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
