Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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