i already hear my dad disowning me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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