the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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