While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
