that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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