I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
