Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
