I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize