We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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