Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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