Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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