I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
