a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
no, he came in my armpit
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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