I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize