is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We left the knife in your bed.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
