i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
